Intro
In our home, we’ve got a structure where from Monday to Thursday, the kids have non-sugary cereal for breakfast. I’m talking about things like Shreddies, Cheerios, Rice Krispies, the regulars. Friday to Sunday, we’re a bit more lenient with what they have, but Mondays to Thursdays it’s pretty straightforward. But here’s something that has happened over and over again through the years. Let’s say it’s a Tuesday. I’ll ask Zachary what he wants for breakfast. I’ll give him the options: do you want Cheerios or Rice Krispies? Those are your two choices. And he’ll stare at those boxes for a little while with disinterest, maybe even disgust. Then he’ll turn to me and say, “I want Chocolate Tim Bits cereal”. Which, if you don’t know, is a thing. Tim Hortons is now in the cereal game. And we’ve bought into it. We’re on board with it. But on Tuesdays, it’s simply not an option. It’s Cheerios or Rice Krispies. Timbits aren’t on the table here, no matter how much Zac wishes!
That’s a bit like what many, many Christians have done with discipleship. Jesus has given us two options. He has said you can either be all in for him or you can be out. Those are the two choices he’s left us. And yet so many Christians, I think especially in Western culture, have said, naw, I want the Timbits. I want something empty and sugary that will do nothing for me but might taste sweet. I want a third option. I want to do it half way. I want to call myself a Christian but also live like the world does. I want to fit in while I live this life but also have some eternal insurance when I die. I want to give God whatever I feel like, however much I feel comfortable with, and do whatever I want with the rest. Right? Isn’t that true? Let’s be honest! But here’s the problem: the Timbits aren’t on the table! That empty version of Christianity is not a valid option, no matter how many people assume it is or make demands to God that it be one. There are only two choices: all in or out. I’m not making this up. This is straight from Jesus. We could go to a lot of passages, but let’s go to one of the clearest, most challenging of texts, from Luke 14:25-33.
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. 27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’ 31 “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32 If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33 In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
Luke 14:25-33
1. Hating family
Let’s begin at the beginning. Large crowds were following Jesus. This passage tells us that Jesus is at the height of his popularity. People love him. Well, maybe not everyone, the Pharisees are regularly getting their knickers in a knot, but most people? They’re hanging on his every word. Stories about his power, his miraculous deeds, they’re spreading. And you figure this is a good time. This is a good thing. His influence is increasing. His reach is expanding. His voice is being magnified. Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t want the crowds? The crowds are an indication that something’s happening. There’s momentum. For a lot of people and for a lot of institutions, numbers are the single best indicator of success. They tell you if you’re moving in the right direction.
And what do a lot of leaders do in a situation like that? They start feeling the pressure to keep the crowds there. They need to please these masses of people. This is what happens to some churches. Maybe they start out by being bold. They’re preaching truth, they’re standing for something, they’re calling people to a high level of commitment. And then they grow. They become the popular place to be. Believers- and sometimes unbelievers- flock to join the church. Suddenly, the pastor realizes that if he says something unpopular, he might lose those people. Giving might go down. People might start spreading bad reports about the church. All that influence and reach might be undone. So the church does whatever it can to just keep the crowds coming, even if it means softening convictions or avoiding difficult subjects. Believe me, even though we’re far from some hyper-popular megachurch, I’ve felt that temptation too.
But here’s what Jesus does. He turns to the crowd and says the most alienating thing possible. He says things that seem to be about deliberately turning some people away, things that must have sounded as offensive to their ears as to ours. From a worldly perspective, this appears to be a terrible strategy. If Jesus had a board of directors, he’d probably get reprimanded for this. Maybe his job would be on the line. When your eyes are on numbers and other easy-to-grasp metrics, what Jesus does here seems flat out irresponsible!
And what is it that he says? He says that to be his disciple, you have to hate your father, mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters (no mention of in-laws here, they’re safe), and your own life. He says you actually cannot be his disciple unless you do this! It’s impossible! Can’t be done! You can not call yourself a follower of Jesus unless you hate those closest to you.
I know what a lot of you are thinking because it’s the same thing I think when I read this passage: please tell me that doesn’t mean what it seems to mean. Tell me I don’t have to literally hate my family to be a Christian. I’ll give you some relief right away: you don’t. There are two main reasons.
One is the clear command in Scripture to love your parents, your wife, and your children. The Old Testament is full of commands to honor your father and mother. It’s one of the 10 commandments! Paul notes in Ephesians 5 that this command is distinctive because it comes with a promise, that those who honor their father and mother will live long in the land. Later on in Ephesians 5, Paul talks about marriage and calls husbands to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. They should love their wives so much they’d be willing to give up their very lives for them! In Matthew 22:37-38, Jesus says that the whole of the biblical law is summed up in two commands: to love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. We are commanded, instructed, repeatedly told to love one another, which certainly includes our spouse, children, parents, and siblings. To actually hate them, to despise them and treat them with disdain, would be a clear contradiction of other clear biblical commands.
The other reason I can say this confidently is because of how the word “hate” is used in other biblical contexts. For example, in Genesis 29:31, we read that Leah, one of Jacob’s wives, was hated by Jacob. Because of that, God had compassion on her and enabled her to conceive children. Did Jacob actively despise Leah? We don’t get that sense from the text. Instead, Jacob really loved his wife Rachel, he was attracted to Rachel, he preferred Rachel, he would choose Rachel over Leah. It’s the same kind of thing in Romans 9:13, where we read that God loved Jacob but hated Esau. In Genesis, where we meet the brothers Esau and Jacob, did God treat Esau with disdain? Esau was blessed with wives and children and livestock. In Deuteronomy 2:5, God even tells the Israelites, the descendants of Jacob, to not step foot in Edom, the land of the descendants of Esau, because God had given the hill country to Esau. That doesn’t sound like hate. However, biblically, God had chosen Jacob over Esau to be the father of His special possession, Israel. He had made a choice between two people. He decided on a priority. When we read the word “hate” in this context, that’s what we’re talking about. We’re talking about a choice, a preference, a priority. We’re talking about a passion that is strongly expressed for one party over another.
This is what Jesus says in Luke 14: being a disciple of his means that there is a passion in your life that is greater than what you experience for your family. There is a commitment and allegiance that goes beyond family ties. There is a love in your life greater than any love for another human being, even your spouse. And that passion, commitment, allegiance, and love is for God- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Your relationship with Christ is to come before everything else.
That’s shocking enough in a Western, individualistic culture. But for some of you who come from Asian backgrounds, among others, you have more of a sense of the family obligations that can exist in a culture. You know the pressure to fall in line with the family. That’s very similar to the Middle Eastern culture of Jesus’ day. So what Jesus says here is so counter-cultural, so offensive, so startling. To be his disciple means being willing to let everyone down. It means being willing to be cut off from those other relationships if that’s the result of following him. It means that if there are competing interests with spouse, children, parents, or whoever else with what Jesus is calling you to do, you go with Jesus.
And actually, it’s not just family! In some ways, our modern Western individualism has no problem rebelling against family, but the amorphous group that is society is another matter. What Jesus says here is true of the world as a whole. In James 4:4, we read: “don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” Being a disciple means you no longer live for the approval of the world. You will believe things that will make you an enemy to the world. You will live in ways that mark you out in the world. Jesus says in John 15:19 that “if you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” You cannot call yourself one of his people unless you surrender to this possibility. You may be excluded and hated by people in the world for your commitment to Jesus. You must love Jesus so much that you willingly accept that.
(The good news is that, despite the image above, you’re not alone in this! You are not a Lone Ranger. You have been saved into a people, the church, who are walking the same path. You have been given a new family! We need to be deeply connected to Jesus’ body to be strengthened as counter-cultural, all-in disciples!)
God has done some incredible things in my life over the last couple of months. One of them is to bring healing to some long-festering wounds that have sprung from hurts and rejection from people, and within that, even wrestling with a sense of rejection from God. A couple of weeks ago, Carolyn and I were at a pastor’s retreat. It was an incredible experience. During an extended time of worship, God brought to mind all of these people I have felt rejected by. And then He showed me that the reason I had felt rejection from Him was because I was seeking the approval of these other people. I had not been seeking His face. I had placed the approval and acceptance of people at the same level, or even higher, than Him. As I repented of that and resolved to seek His face above all else, I began to experience healing. The bitterness began to wash away. My love for God began to grow again, life and passion began to be restored. This is all pretty recent, but it is remarkable how long I have neglected such a central truth about being a follower of Jesus.
Our allegiance to Him must be so far above and beyond other relationships that it is like the difference between love and hate. You might resist that, you might object to it, you might wish that wasn’t the case. You might think that he should be content being an equal priority among others, or even secondary. That’s simply not on the table. Being a follower of Jesus means being all in.
2. Carrying the cross
If you think that’s challenging, listen to what Jesus says next. He says that anyone who doesn’t carry their cross cannot be my disciple.
When Jesus says this, he hasn’t yet gone to the cross. People who hear him aren’t thinking about the crucifixion. They’re thinking about the crucifixions they see on a regular basis. They’re thinking generally about people who have been condemned to die, people who have no earthly ambitions or hopes remaining. Jesus says that to be his disciple looks like that. Seriously, would Jesus not flunk Marketing 101? You’ve got all this momentum, all this excitement, a huge crowd at your fingertips, and this is what you say to them? Come be part of my movement, you’ll be like the saddest, most pitiable, most hopeless people on earth! Who’s in?
Ok, Jesus doesn’t mean you’ll be sad and hopeless. I’ll come to that in a moment. But he’s not joking around! To be his follower, to associate yourself with him, means that you are dying a death. You are dying a death to self. You are surrendering your personal ambitions and your selfish dreams. You are giving up the need to have things go your own way. You are no longer living for status and recognition and all the other things the men and women of this world live for. It’s one of my favorite verses in the Bible and one I have to go back to again and again because I so easily forget it. In Galatians 2, Paul makes the most astounding claim about his own identity:
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20
It’s astounding, but it’s exactly what Jesus says is true of all true disciples. You have been crucified and you no longer live, at least not in the way or with the motives you did before.
I think there’s a massive challenge in the first “you cannot be my disciple” phrase. It means you can’t aim to please people as well as God if you are to follow Jesus. You have to go all in on pleasing Him alone. But I wonder if in our culture, this second phrase is an even greater challenge. That’s because we live in a culture that exalts the self above all else. We live in a self-worshipping world.
Here’s an interesting thought that I didn’t come up with, but some very deep thinkers and philosophers did. Western culture went from a pagan, polytheistic world to one that was steeped in the monotheistic faith of Christianity. What has gone on in recent years is not a reversion to that first culture. There’s no going back to gods like Zeus or Diana. Here’s what one writer says:
“The Christian God has taken up everything into himself; all the treasures of ancient wisdom, all the splendor of creation, every good thing has been assumed into the story of the incarnate God, and every stirring towards transcendence is soon recognized by the modern mind- weary of God- as leading back toward faith…the only cult that can truly thrive in the aftermath of Christianity is a narrow service of the self, of the impulses of the will, of the nothingness that is all the withdrawal of Christianity leaves behind”.
David Bentley Hart
The narrow service of self. That’s worship in the Western world. That’s the god that many people worship. Self. Where God is believed in in our culture, He is usually a servant to the self, helping the self feel good.
This has infected the church too. It feels like every week I hear stories about fallen church leaders who were busy pursuing their own egos or sexual desires and have left devastated churches in their wake. How much division and enmity takes place within the church because people are consumed with getting their way and building their own kingdoms? How often have I, personally, let some slight word of criticism destroy me and destroy relationships because I was still living for my own ego instead of for the kingdom of God? I will tell you this: authentic church growth- not just numbers and crowds, but real spiritual growth and transformation- will happen at The Bridge to the degree to which we die to self. I was reading a book recently by a pastor named Mark Sayers and this is what he says:
”The churches that do not fade and disappear in the third culture of the West will be churches that preach, teach, and live out the truth that we are called to live as slaves of Christ, a church fragrance of selflessness in a culture of selfishness.”
Mark Sayers, Disappearing Church
There is no other way. You cannot be a disciple of Jesus unless you take up your cross, which means dying to self. You must give up the need to get your way. You must give up the need to be given status and recognition and comfort. You may protest this, too. You might think it’s possible to live for those things in this world and still call yourself a Christian. According to Jesus, that’s simply not on the table. It’s all in or out.
3. Counting the cost
That leads to the third “you can’t be my disciple unless” phrase. Jesus uses two parables to emphasize the need to count the cost. Two parables about significant undertakings, huge projects. One is the building of a tower and the second is a military expedition. In Jesus’ day, you had the Temple in Jerusalem, an ongoing construction project and by far the most important building in the Jewish mind. Meanwhile, in a lot of circles, the most important conversation going on was what to do about the Roman occupation. The question of war was a live one. War would in fact become a reality within a generation after Jesus’ death.
But Jesus’ point here isn’t about the legitimacy of the Temple or the wisdom of going to war with Rome. It’s about the need to understand what undertaking a project like this will require of you. Don’t be naive! In an honor/shame culture like that one, think about how embarrassing and damaging it is to your reputation if you announce plans to build a huge tower. You build five feet up before running out of cash and the thing just sits there half-finished. People pass by, they say, what happened there? Oh, you didn’t hear? That was Jedidiah’s attempt to build the tallest building in the world. What an idiot! Jedidiah doesn’t want that, so Jedidiah better count the cost and know he has what it takes!
One of the things Carolyn and I enjoy doing together in ministry is pre-marital counseling. I use this assessment resource that among many other metrics, measures the “idealistic distortion” of couples. It asks couples whether they agree or disagree with statements like: “every new thing I have learned about my partner has pleased me” or “my partner and I understand each other completely”. Some couples fill out and they probably think, “oh yeah, I strongly agree with that, I’m going to get a great score on this! We’ll probably get our marriage fast-tracked!” Ha! They’ve been fooled! Anyone who’s been married for a while can tell you that no, you’re not always going to understand each other. Not everything you learn about your partner is going to please you. When you learn that your spouse snores like a hibernating bear and flails their arms while they sleep, will that please you? “It’s so cute, it’s so adorable! So what if I have to sleep in the basement every night?” When you go into marriage, you need to know this isn’t going to be all rainbows and butterflies. You want to be prepared. You should know, this may very well take more of you than you ever thought possible. It may be one of the most challenging things you ever do. When you stand up and say “I do”, the more you understand the potential cost of that vow, the better chance you will have at keeping it.
See, if you assume it’s going to cost everything, you’re prepared for anything. I’ll say that again. If you assume it’s going to cost everything, you’re prepared for anything. That’s Jesus’ point. What if following Jesus will literally cost your life? You might think that won’t happen in Canada. You’re probably right. But it might. It can cost that in many parts of the world. If you understand that following Jesus could mean the loss of status in the world, the disapproval of society, the cutting off of relationships with those closest to you, the death of certain dreams and ambitions, and even your life itself, and you still decide to follow him, that’s a real disciple. That’s a real Christian.
Assume it’s going to cost everything, and you’ll be prepared for anything.
You know where I’m going with this. You might object to what I’ve just said. You might say this is impossible. Surely there is an easier way to be a Christian. Not according to Jesus. That easier way is not on the table. If you are not prepared to lose everything, you cannot be his disciple.
4. Why should you go all in?
So here’s the big question: if this is what it costs to follow Jesus, to be a Christian- not just in name, not just to mark a box on a census, but truly in reality, in the sight of God- why bother? What could possibly justify going all in to this extreme extent? I can think of at least three reasons.
First, because Jesus is worthy of it. When it comes to him, the stakes are simply that high. Let’s say you and I have a disagreement. You say paper straws are a great way to save the environment. I say they’ve been engineered by evil scientists to induce misery in any human who drinks from them. You might say, would you stake your home on that claim? Now, obviously I’m right, but I’m not going to go for that! It simply isn’t worth it. It’s a trivial thing. Jesus is a whole other matter.
Listen to these words from Colossians 1:
“The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”
Colossians 1:15-20
Jesus is not just another man. He is not just a teacher. He is not simply a prophet, or a miracle worker, or a religious innovator, or a leader. He is the image of the invisible God who holds all things together. All things were created through him and for him. He is supreme above all created things. He has conquered death. He is the means of reconciliation between God and man. He is worthy of everything. He alone is worthy of going all in for.
Second, it is right to go all in for him because he went all in for us.
During the pandemic, I watched The Last Dance, the docuseries about the 1990s Chicago Bulls, centered on Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time. (If you think that’s Lebron James, you’re out to lunch and we should have a debate.) I was a huge Jordan fan as a kid, so I loved watching this docuseries. I always knew Jordan had a driving passion to win, but what I didn’t realize as a kid was how Jordan also drove other players in the same direction. One episode especially deals with whether or not Jordan was a bully because of how much he asked of his teammates. Jordan’s response is that he never asked any of his teammates to do anything he himself didn’t do first. Jordan asked a lot of those who played with him, but he wasn’t like an army general who sits in the safety of headquarters while he commands troops to cross enemy lines. He went ahead of his troops. First in the gym, last out of it. He gave everything.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. It’s an illustration. I’m not comparing Michael Jordan to Jesus in any general sense. The docuseries makes it pretty evident that his character is pretty far off from Christ’s. But in this way, there is a similarity. Jesus asks his followers to go all in for him because that is what he has done for us.
We just read Colossians 1. Think about who Jesus is. All that glory. All that power. Philippians 2 tells us that Jesus was in very nature God. And yet, according to Philippians 2, he left all that glory and took on human flesh. That’s the wonder of the incarnation. But Jesus went even further than that. He lived the life of a servant. And he went further than that. He submitted to death on a cross: the lowliest, most shameful death imaginable in 1st century Rome. The image of the invisible God, hated and despised by all, stripped bare on an execution device. That is going all in. And he did it for us. Paul writes to the Corinthians that “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor. 5:21). Jesus gave his very life, he gave up everything, so that you could be reconciled to God. He gave his life as a sacrifice for your sin. He did it to pay the cost of your sin so that you wouldn’t have to. That’s how passionate he was for you. That’s the extent to which he chose you. That’s the extent to which he deeply desired for you to have relationship with him.
And third, it is right to go all in for him because it’s the path to real, abundant life.
In his majestic letter to the Romans, Paul writes that “we were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” (6:4) We die the death to self, we give it all, because it is in this way that we receive real life, resurrection life, life as it is meant to be lived.
I have seen this again and again in my own life. When I hold things back from Jesus, I am held back in bondage. When I die to it all for his sake, I discover life as it is meant to be lived. Ask anyone has gone all in on Jesus. Life may have been challenging in various ways for them. But ask them this: do you know life to an extent, to a measure, you didn’t before? I promise that if they have truly gone all in, the answer will be yes.
Conclusion
Every year in the fall, I begin by talking about where we’re going. And for quite a while now, this is what God has laid on my heart for today. Where are we going? We want to be a church that is all in for Jesus. Because this calling from Jesus is not just for individuals, it is for his people, it is for his church. It is for us, together. And so we aim to be a church that does not live for the approval of our society, a church that does not live for status and numbers, but a church that is wholeheartedly devoted to Jesus. And contrary to what you might naturally think, this does not result in drudgery and misery. It is the way to freedom, to joy, to life. That’s where we’re going. Real, resurrection life by going all in.
And so this is my invitation to you- and actually, as you’ve heard, it’s not my invitation but the invitation of Jesus- go all in. I’m not saying that if you’re not all in, you’re not welcome here at The Bridge. I’m so glad you are here! But make no mistake, my hope and prayer is that you will be moved in this direction so that you can receive life in Jesus. Some of you have been trying to do this halfway thing, and the results are miserable. There’s no growth, there’s no progress, because you’re trying to have it both ways. As we’ve seen, that simply doesn’t work! That’s not on the table! It’s all in or nothing. So give up that lukewarm, empty, version of Christianity and take Jesus up on the challenge. And for those of you who have not made any kind of decision to follow Jesus but are considering it, now you know the cost. The question is, do you trust Jesus enough to take him up on the challenge?
You may discover as you do that it’s not just a one time decision, and that you’ll have to make the decision to go all in on a daily basis. You might find as the years go on that there are areas of your life that you’ve held on to without knowing it. I’m not saying the Christian life is just bang, perfection and no deviation from it. We’re talking about the heart. The heart of a follower of Jesus places him first and it’s not even close. Are you ready to take the leap and go all in?
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